Random Thoughts by Deionte

Random Thoughts #13

Honey Don’t Try Me
So last night I was craving something sweet and the only thing that would satisfy my appetite was some Cold Stone Ice Cream. After maybe 15 minutes of non-stop begging my roommate finally gave in and decided that he would join me on my funky expedition to get some snacks. So we hoped in my jeep and started our journey to Cold Stone’s. Now I don’t think we looked particularly gay but then again I came out to all of Chico State and apparently everyone already knew! I was wearing my Greek week committee pullover with Abercrombie sweats and my roommate was wearing a long-sleeve tee with sweats. But as soon as we entered the ice cream shop the two African American ice cream server-bitches made a comment to each other about us being gay.

Before I finish my story le me first say that there are three types of women when dealing with The Gays.
1. Fag Hag’s every gay men have at least one fag hag and they are wonderful women to befriend! They love gay culture, gay porn, gay clubs, and gay men. Anything slightly homosexual these women will adore. It’s kind of weird but I don’t want to question this situation too much and have the Gay Mafia on my ass. A good hag will be there through thick and thin, bad blow jobs, STD’s, and everything else that comes along with gay life. All the while they are secretly hoping that you will come to your senses and give them some good homo lovin’.

2. Next there’s the Free Loving Woman. She is comfortable with her sexuality and loves to have a good time no matter whom she is with. If she befriends a gay man fine, if not there’s no sweat rolling off her tits. This woman is interested in gay culture but she doesn’t make The Gays the center of her life. Their theme is usually "go big or go home."

3. Finally there is the evil, hateful, female Gay-Hater, as I like to call them. I wish all these women would die! They are very aware of gay men and believe them to be a direct threat when it comes to her love life. She will gladly take any opportunity to call a homo on his gayness in public and will cause a scene whenever possible. I don’t know if these women have had previous negative gay experiences but I do know that they do not like gay men what so ever! Again I hate gay-haters, I would say more about them but my hatred would shock you….
Back to my story. So we enter Cold Stones and the two Gay-Haters make a comment, which I immediately noticed, and then they went back to work. So after waiting in line for 15 minutes it was finally my roommates and me turn to order. Being that my roommate had never been to this establishment I was trying to give him some suggestions of what combos he should consider getting. Our conversation with the Gay-Hater went a little something like this:

Gay-Hater: Do you two know what you want (with lots of attitude)?
Roommate: Ummmm can I get the mint chocolate chip with fudge and brownies
Gay-Hater: (whispering under her breath) figures you’d want fudge
Me: Excuse me, what did you say???
Gay-Hater: I said what would you like to order?
Me: Hmmm, let’s be sure we watch our manners cause things can get ugly fairly quick in this bitch!
Gay-Hater: Your order pla-lease!
Me: Cheesecake ice cream, piecrust, strawberries and bananas
Gay-Hater: oooohhhh you want a banana
Roommate: Girl, how much is my order??? (Said with lots of attitude)
Gay-Hater: Did you guys come in together?
Roommate: Yes!
Gay-Hater: Why aren’t you guys paying together?
Gay-Hater: Aren’t you guys together?
Roommate: Honey, sweetheart, sweetie! That’s why you shouldn’t assume anything cause you make an ass of yourself.
Gay-Hater: Ummmmm
Roommate: (cutting her off in mid sentence) We will be paying separately because we’re not together, now give me a god dam comment card!

We were really close to setting shit off in MS. Cold Stone’s but yet again we realized that this is just another aspect you have to deal with when you are a man that likes to sleep with other men!

Sexual Harassment Training
So today I had to endure 4 hours of sexual harassment training for my job! I literally wanted to jump out of the window and plunge to my death. California law for sexual harassment is so vague that almost anything you do could be considered sexual harassment. The best part of the training was when this sassy black lesbian who works in Development yelled and the evil, stuck up, know it all staff scientist who takes every opportunity to remind us that she graduated from Yale…big fuckin’ deal. Anywho, I was soooo unbelievably bored that I took this little game that I made up while I was bored during sex this one time and decided to play it today. Okay, so usually when I am bored during sex which happens often (how fucking depressing) I take all the letter from my entire name and then I try to make new words with those letters. If I have more time (which I usually do) I make sentences out of those words! Now if you need to buy and letter that’s really simple…ooohhh wait I was talking about sexual harassment. Anywho, I was inside the conference room trying to make up words when I realized that I was going up and down, up and down like when you’re having sex. I guess I got a little to into my little game, when I finally started paying attention I realized that everyone was looking at me. Ooooohhhh well this isn’t the first time I’ve made an ass of myself and won’t be the last. So yeah sexually harassment sucks my taint and I’m gonna get super fucked up tonight while watching America’s Next Top Model.

Booty Chin
So what purpose does a cleft chin (booty chin) serve? It literally looks like you have an ass on your chin and you usually I’m excited about asses, hey the more the merrier. Anywho, there’s a guy out my job and his booty chin is out of control! He has a really long, thick chin and whenever I look at it, it makes me really uncomfortable. It sort of reminds me of that fake chin that Jim Carrey wear during Me, Myself, and Irene. This co-worker was in sexual harassment training with me today and for the life of me I could not stop staring at his horrible chin. The cleft in his chin is so deep that I think I could fit the head of a small penis inside of it…gross!

ANTM
Okay, so I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again! I fucking hate that lesbian chick Kim and I think she needs to be killed. She can’t put on make-up, she can’t walk in heels, and she can’t fuck a dick! The girl is a mess and she is trying my patience! Ms. Jay is still the ugliest black man I have ever scene and I am in the process of writing Tyra Banks a letter begging her to reframe from showing any close –up of this beast of a man, yikes. I am also extending all of you an invitation to play the ANTM drinking game its really fun and you will be completely hammered by 9pm. Lately I just decided to drink as soon as I get home and by the time ANTM airs I am trying to sober up!

Panda Express
I’ll be eating some of their delicious Orange Chicken with Rice tonight! Yummy Yummy put some food in my Tummy!

Quote of the Week
"Tear down that BITCH of a wall and put a window where a window ought to be." Joan Crawford – My Mommie Dearest. This show comes on TNT all the time and it is a classic. If you wanna see a little white girl get the shit put out of her twice in 45 minutes, then this is the movie for you!

posted by Lady_Sings_tha_blues @ 3:31 PM