Random Thoughts by Deionte

Suggestions and My New Friend

If you guys have any good topics that you think I can elaborate on, please let me know. I check my comments section for the most part and I try to post a follow up response. It's getting a little hard because I now have over 115 postings in just 5 months! Anywho, your comments and suggestions are welcomed and I look forward to hearing from you.

Ooooohhhh yeah so I'm talking to this new guy and this seems like its going to be an interesting "relationship" to say the least. I have seen Mr. Man out numerous times but I never spoke to him. Mainly because he was always out with his friend (who I thought was his boyfriend) who likes to stare people down. Me being the confrontational bitch that I am would always stare back and give a dont fuck with me facial expresional.

A few weeks ago Mr. Man approached me and asked why did I always give him dirty looks. At first I started to be rude but I realized that it takes a lot of guts to approach someone was has been giving you the look of death for half the year. Anywho, I explained my reasoning and then I elaborated. I told him that when I first came to the Bay Area after graduation I didn't have many friends. Tons of guys tried to take advantage of me and my stand-offishness (not a real word) was merely a defense mechanism (on my God I remembered something I learned in college, sweet!). I also told him I'm currently in the process of trying not to be such an evil bitch when I go out to the clubs!

So since our initial conversation I have seen him out here and there and we chat on the phone every so often. Ooohhh let me describe him for you he's short about 5'6, brown skin complexion, big brown eyes, low haircut, chubby cheeks, and a bit of a tummy. He's totally different from the men I have dated in my recent past and that really why I decided to give him a chance. He's 22 years old but very mature for his age. He's manages a team of 27 people at work, graudates from college with a double major in Business and Economics next year and already owns a house! Pretty impressive, huh? Anywho, he makes me laugh and conversation seems to with great ease.

However, there's always a downside and he has a major one in my book. Mr. Man grew up in an extremely religious family (would you believe that he dad is a minister, mom is an evangelist, 4 four uncles are also ministers and 2 of his aunts are choir directors). With that being said he has decided not to come out to his family. He went on to say that he will never come out and that they will have to find out by accident that he is gay...he'll NEVER tell. Which means he will never show any signs of affection when out in public. I dont have a problem with that the public aspect of the relationship because I think people who kiss and make-out in public should be killed immediately. But I refuse to meet someone's family (even by chance) a pretend to be a friend.

For these reasons he is also very secretive and I dont like secrets at all. We will be engaged in wonderful conversation and then the next thing I know he's like we need to change the topic I don't want to reveal that information just yet.

Before I go any further, I must mention that yet again I am doing what I always tell ymself not to do. I always get ahead of myself and over analyze everything. Instead of going with the flow I always feel the need to push things further along then they really have to be. Be my train of thought is simple this, I need who ever I am dating to be on the same page as me. I would rather find out early on that we are incompatable then to waste countless hours/days/months on a relationship which was doomed from the start.

At this point in time I'm going to see what will happen even though I already have multiple reasons for hesitation. This time around if shit doesn't workout I want to be positive that it was not because I sabotaged yet another relationship with my craziness. Am I making sense to any of you out there? I find it very odd that I know exactly what I do wrong in my relationships and yet time and time and then time again I create the seem mishaps but with different men. Although, I would like to add that it not entirely my fault that everything goes wrong. I am open and honest in all of my relationships so usually my men know what to expect from me.

As you can see this situation is already a mess. Tune in later to see if I can clean this mess up or if I just choose to walk away from it.

posted by Lady_Sings_tha_blues @ 1:47 PM