Random Thoughts by Deionte

Random Thoughts #6

The Governator hates The Gays!
So California officials voted in favor of changing a section of the California Constitution to read “a legal union of two people” instead of “a legal union between a woman and man”. Evidently Arnie decided that he did not want little miss De’Aunta to ever have the option of getting married. To that I say fuck you Arnie you fat, speech impaired Austrian son of a bitch! The Gays will not stand for this and when it is time to vote to change to the United States constitution to include fat, speech impaired, Austrian son’s of bitches to be able to run for president we’re gonna vote hells no! What’s up with that anyways? I don’t think foreigners should be able to run for President of the United States. I couldn’t go over to France and request to be the Prime Minister, I wouldn’t be allowed to be the next Queen of England (although I’m already a queen), and do you think I could skip over to China and ask to be the next Emperor? The answer to all of my questions is fuck no and Arnie shouldn’t be allowed to run for President. Plus I was watching it’s good to be Arnold S (I can’t spell his last name) on VH1 and his network is over $800 Million dollars!

Hairs to you
So I’m having major issues with my hair. My hair is generally dry and very nappy and I simply can’t deal with it anymore. I tried putting relaxers and texturizers in my hair but now they don’t even work! At this point I’m gonna shave my head or get raunchy, cheap extensions like the young whores on Laguna Beach! You would think that since they have so much money they could go out and get decent extensions but I guess that’s too much to ask for.

Oooohhh the pain of being young, rich, and white
I love Laguna Beach and I can’t get enough of the drama these little kids love to create for themselves. I honestly can’t get enough of watching rich kids trying to cope with everyday life! My two favorite people on the show is Kristen the main bitch who is average and everyway possible and yet everyone thinks she’s the best thing since sliced bread. Then there is Jessica and she reminds me of every sad little girl you meet who has a no good boyfriend and they refuse to leave his sorry ass because she “loves” him. The rest of the children on this show lack personality and should be killed!

You know you wanna cuddle
So my cuddle buddy and I are reunited and it feels ooohhh so good! I’ve known my cuddle buddy since I was in the 5th grade and I love our nightly routine. I eat dinner and then I do my workout and facial. At 10:45pm I leave my house and drive to house just in time to watch 1 full hour of Will & Grace (the best show ever). We snack, watch TV and cuddle. At midnight we go upstairs, strip and then go to bed. There is absolutely no sex what so ever! We just cuddle and sleep and I really enjoy our relationship. Things got weird a couple of months ago and we had to stop our routine and I almost lost my mind. With my cuddle buddy gone I had no other choice but to start sleeping with my 2 body pillows Ester and Gertrude. But now we are back on track and we are once again like peas and carrots.

How It All Started
Okay, so I’ve known my cuddle buddy for 13 years but our cuddling relationship started a few months ago. I saw Mr. Man out a club on The Castro and I went over to say hello and we started dancing. Up until this point I had never thought about him in a sexual nature but once you start grinding with someone on a dance floor things tend to change! We exchanged numbers and that was that. He called me later that night and asked me what was I doing. I told him that I was all kinds of hungry and I needed some Jack and the crack. He told me and he had some snacks at his house that that I should come over. And you know I never turn down free food so I drove over to Mr. Mans house. When I got there he had baked chicken and made rice to go with it! Needless to say that I was both surprised and impressed by his act of kindness (and to get me into bed). Fast-forward to an hour later and we are in bed having a PG13 kind of relationship when I hear a noise coming from downstairs. I asked him if he heard anything and he said no. We continue with our activities and then I hear a noise again but this time he hears it as well. He put on his pants and I kid you not, he grabs a sword from out of his closet (who the fuck has a sword, besides my friend Evin?) And tells me to stay upstairs while we checks out the noise. So here I am naked in his bed with the sheet draped around my chest like a white woman in a horror movie scared out of my mind. Mr. Man comes back and casually tells me that he has stalker and that the noise that we had previously heard was his stalker trying to get into his house. I lost my fucking mind and at this point I am scared shitless. Mr. Man asks me if I want to go home and I quickly responded that I wasn’t going to live his house with a crazed stalker outside. I had no other choice but to spend the night, but I slept with the sword by me for the rest of the night. If that stalker wanted to start some shit he was gonna a sharp surprise! You would think after all that I would leave Mr. Man alone. Fuck that! A cuddle buddy are hard to find…I’ll take my chances!

Walk of Shame
So again last night I hung out with my cuddle buddy and this morning I had to be at work fairly early to train one of our interns. I woke up around 7:45am and proceeded to walk to my Jeep. I failed to realized that I had parked in front of various bus stops and there were all kinds of people there waiting for their bus to arrive. This wouldn’t have been so bad but I need to tell you what I was wearing. I was wearing a fitted wife-beater, a tote bag I got from work, flip-flops and worst of all those sweat pants that read Chico State on the booty. The bad thing about these sweats is that they are made for girls but they are totally cute so I bought them anyway. What’s worst is that the crotch was made for a female so whenever I wear them I have major man-bulge action going on. So here I am walking to my Jeep and everyone is staring at the “black magic” I wont make that mistake again!

Meghan Mullally
Meghan Plays Karen Walker aka Anastasia Beaverhousen on Will & Grace and I can’t even tell you how much joy she brings into my life. Karen is no stranger to alcohol and she love to be drunk and make inappropriate comments. She has no morals and only wears designer labels she is officially the new love of my life! If only I could be a rich white woman worth $845 million dollars and had a maid I could make racists comments to I’d be in heaven!

Black Out on Bart (new cell phone)
So I was on Bart this morning and you would not believe how many good looking black men were on Bart today! I was literally losing my mind! It took all the strength I had to not go into a sexual frenzy and start humping everyone who in within 5 to 10 feet of me! I need to get a new cell phone that takes pictures so I can capture black eye candy for all to see!

Velvet, corduroy, leather ooohhhh my!
So this woman was on Bart with me and it took every bit of restraint I had in my body to keep from giving her a fucking fashion ticket. This bitch had a black leather skirt, purple velvet shirt, tan corduroy jacket and topped it off with red fuck me boots! There is absolutely no excuse for the crimes against fashion that this woman has committed. I only regret that I had to be the one to see it…gross!

Leg Warmers Anyone?
I bought some leg warmers the other day and they are really cute. Unfortunately, I don’t have the balls to wear them out in public. I guess I’ll just wear them around my house with all the other articles of clothing I have that I am too chicken to wear out in public. Damn you society and your goal to hold me back from good fashion.

Turtlenecks
Is it autumn already? I have some killer Turtlenecks that I am dying to breakout! I’m a sexy bitch when I wear Turtlenecks and if you’re lucky enough to see me wear one you should get on your knees and praise God for the wonderful sight of perfection, which is me in a Turtleneck!

Chico in the News…Shameful!Is there any hope for my Alma Mater? They city of Chico ruined St. Patrick’s day and Labor Day. It sucks ass to be Greek not to mention that people are dying like ummmm every semester. Bad porn was even made in Chico, a word of advice to the guys in that video is if your penis is smaller than 3 inches you should never show it in public. What’s worst is that Fox Channel 2 NEWS went undercover in Chico and will report their findings tonight at 10pm…this should be interested to say the least!

posted by Lady_Sings_tha_blues @ 12:09 PM