Random Thoughts by Deionte

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Gossip Session
So my girls and I haven’t had a good thorough gossip session in weeks. After checking our busy schedules we decided that last Saturday would be the perfect day to see each other. It was me, chi-chi, krystallion, and the humburglar and we had one thing on our mind, krystallion enchiladas! By the way they were fuck delicious! We also drank citrus Smirnoff, ate cookies & cream ice cream and sweet potato pie. I really love snacks so I was in heaven. Our gossip session covered all types of weird topics such as the family who molested each other on Dr. Phil, anal sex, getting shitty drunk, taking advantage of our significant others while they sleep, Hurricane Katrina, family and Guches. I was truly a good time to see my girls again and be unlady-like!

Guches
So lately the topic of guches has been popping up everywhere. For those of you who did not know, guche is the new name for a taint. At first I thought it was a name that my girl Dee Dee had come up with because she has a thing for licking her boyfriends guche. She calls herself the guche-master and brags that a guche is well licked when you fuck with her. You have to hear her talk about a guche to realize just how much she is infatuated with this small area on skin! Dee Dee also made an Indian name for her love of guches. She brags that her Indian name would be Chief Lick-a-lotta-guche…it’s truly hilarious. A few weeks later I was talking to a “friend” and he knew what a guche was. A guess love for licking guches is on the raise in the Bay Area. I suggest that everyone be ware of guche-lovers and if someone wants to lick your guche I say go for it. Oooohhh yea and my girls and I are gonna get some shits made with the new name for our group of friends called Le Guche’. If you want a shirt let me know!

Nigga you aint shiznit!
So I walking to the Bart station and I’m running late as usual when I see this black couple arguing in the parking lot. The conversation went as follows:
Black Woman: Get the fuck out my car nigga!
Black Man: Woman what’s yo’ problem? Shit!
Black Woman: Nigga don’t curse it me! Muthafucka!
Black Man: What you askin me out yo car fo’?
Black Woman: I saw you lookin at the bitch!
Black Man: Baby, I’s love you!
Black Woman: You aint shiznit, yo mama aint shit, and yo sorry ass aint gone be shit. Get the fuck outta ma car!
Black Man: Carla, I loves you baby. What bout the kids?
Black Woman: (crying) Why you do me like this???

Aint this point I pretending like I’m searching for something in my bag, but I’m really listening to their conversation. Evidently they didn’t appreciate me listening to their conversation because the next thing I know they’re both talking shit to me! The conversation goes as follows:
Black Woman: What this nigga doin!?!
Black Man: Noisy son bitch listening to our conversation.
Me: Absolutely speechless standing completely still
Black Woman: Excuse me? Excuse me? EXCUSE ME? Did I amuse you? Was I entertaining, muthafucka!
Black Man: Man that’s hella disrespectful!
Black Woman: He looks gay anyways.
Me: Speed walking to the Bart Station.

I’m not a scary person but ghetto black people in love scare the shit out of me. In situations like that it’s best not to talk and come going about your busy!

Taco Trucks and beyond
So there’s a Taco Truck that is located in the lot across street from my apartment and it is always busy. I leave out for work at 8:37am and every morning the taco truck has patrons waiting to consume some of the food! It blows my mind that anyone would eat food from a travel taco truck. Hell I’m choosy when it comes to eating at a Mexican restaurant let alone a taco truck. But from the time they open until the close they have a constant line of costumers. I say we all get in on the action and start a business chain of traveling taco trucks. I couldn’t be any worst than working 9 to 5 and contemplating jumping out the window every 10 minutes. The other day I thought about throwing myself down a flight of stairs so I could get some time off from work!

Read a book, idiot!
Okay so I haven’t read a book in over a year and I now feel that it is time for me to start reading once again. Does anyone have in good suggestions for books that I should read? If you suggest Harry Potter I’ll kill you, I swear to God I’ll kill you! I didn’t read books that thick in school and I surely don’t plan to start now! My friend Flynn suggested that I read “Quarter life crisis” which is something we all should read being that most of us hate our jobs. Oooohhh yea and if you have a kick ass job please don’t email me bragging about it! Ms. Flynn also suggested reading “The girls guide to life in her twenties” a book I feel was written especially for me!

Chico’s party school image is blamed on the Greeks
So the channel 2 News did a segment of Chico States party school image and guess who President Zingg blamed for Chico’s horrible reputation? That’s right President Zingg blamed the Greeks (surprise!). I have always found it funny that we were blamed for most of Chico’s shortcomings when Greeks total numbers are around 900 and the schools population is 17,000. I don’t know about anyone else but I was a bigger alcoholic when I as an individual (non-Greek), who am I kidding! I’m over it! Ooohhh wait! The best part of the news segment was this drunken Theta Chi bitching out President Zingg because he cannot drink in his frat house. This conversation included glossy eyes, inability to stand in place and slurred speech….priceless!

Hammer Time
Okay, so I’m over at my cuddle buddies house the other day and we are chillin’ out, eatin’ Kettle Korn and watching some TV. For some reason my toes are always freakishly hot. With that being said I usually walk around with no socks on but lucky for me I have pretty feet so this isn’t a problem. I wish I could say the same for Mr. Man. I took my socks off and laid my feet across his lap. This was the biggest mistake I could have ever made. This mistake was bigger then when the girls in Mechoopda Hall convinced my to dye my hair platinum blond. This situation was so gay I made Sisqo (the thong song) look str8! Anywho, Mr. Man decides to take off his socks and I barely begin to take of how to describe what I saw on his feet. His toenails were brown and ashy; he had a bunion with a flap of dead skin on his left foot, and multiple corns on his toes. Some toes had more than one corn; I didn’t know that was possible. So than Mr. Man lays his “toes” or claws on my lap, at this point I’m literally trying to not puke. I’m trying to breathe out of my mouth and look away from the horror, which is lying on my lap. We made a deal a while ago that whatever one does for the other the favor will be returned. Can you believe that he starts to massage my feet? At this point I am starting to sweat and my eyes begin to tear up. Suddenly my phone rings and it my roommate. I pretended that it was my mom and said that I had to go because of a family emergency. I’m supposed to go back to his house tonight! Life sucks!

You silly lesbian
Okay, first let me say that I heart all of my lesbian friends very much, okay now that that’s out of the way. I don’t understand lesbians and there whole I don’t sleep with men situation, it blows my mind! I don’t understand their choices of fashion, hairstyle, or makeup. And why is it that only lesbians have the pride flag stickers on their cars? I have seen very few gay men with this sticker on their car and when I do its usually old unattractive white gay men that no one wants to fuck in the first place. I guess this is another one of life’s mysteries.

Jean Claude Van Damme
So I was watching the True Hollywood Story of Jean Claude Van Damme and I decided that he is really hot and I’m gonna put him on my “to do” list! Did you know that he was supposed to play the role as the predator opposite the governator but opted out of his contract to make the movie Blood Sport???

Ipod
I need an Ipod. Can someone buy me one in pink???? If you did I’d love you forever!

posted by Lady_Sings_tha_blues @ 11:48 AM