Random Thoughts by Deionte

Random Thoughts #11

You Scooter riding bastard!
So I’m walking from Jamba Juice when this lame ass white man almost ran my black ass over! I was running late for work but since I don’t really give a damn I decided to go to Jamba Juice before I headed to the Bart Station. So I’m walking and enjoying my smoothie when this white guy in a suit zips past me and almost ran me over. I was so upset I threw my smoothie at him. I had to go all the way back to Jamba Juice and make up a lie about my smoothie tasting like shit to get another one. Those fucking Razor scooters are lame to begin with and seeing a 40 year-old white guy riding one really burns my taint!

Peeping Pervert
So I was at Panda Express yesterday, that’s right I’ve eaten at this place two dinners in a row! So I’m enjoying my steamed white rice and Orange Chicken, ooooohhh how I love you Orange Chicken! Anywho, these teenaged girls dressed in workout clothes walks in and they order their meals and take a seat. 3 minutes later this 30 something year-old man walks in and he totally starts checking out these young teenaged girls. I got really irritated and in my head I was thinking "hey R. Kelly keep your eyes on your fucking broccoli and beef." I didn’t say anything to him but I alternated giving him the evil eye and the look of shame. He got the point and resorted to peeping at them out the corner of his eye. Geez, this guy gets my Douche Bag of the Week Award!

Killer Cologne from Hell
So I standing on the platform at the Bart Station and I’m anxiously awaiting my Barts arrival. The next thing I know this guy walks past me wearing the strongest cologne ever. I mean it was so strong it damn near burned the hairs in my nose. Side note: men please trim your nose hair! There’s a guy at my job who has the longest nose hair ever and when he speaks the hairs in his nose move up and down, it’s really distracting. Anywho, my Bart arrives and I take my usual seat and guess who decides to sit his punk ass by me, that right Mr. Cologne sits right in front of me. Sometimes I think God likes to screw with me on purpose. So I start to moan and groan hoping that he would move but he didn’t get the point. So I got up and moved to the next car with wasn’t any better. I sat next to this woman who is one of the loudest breathers I have ever met. I could hear every breath she took and I my frustration grew with every inhale. I was so pissed off I decided to stand until my stop came…fucking Bart!

Feria Highlights
So in my Random Thoughts from LA in stated that most women should have highlights. Well maybe I need to elaborate on this comment. When I say get highlights I mean you should get them professionally done, please don’t fuck with do-it yourself highlights! This awful woman was bragging to her friend about her new Feria highlights and let me tell you it was not a pretty picture. This woman had dark brown hair with dark red highlights. Had she went to a professional she could have escape this horrible crime of highlights gone bad, yikes!

LL Cool J
So last night VH1 aired in encore of their Hip Hop Honors show, which really wasn’t something that many people wanted to see the first time around! The best part of the show was when Uncle LL performed "Mama said knock you out" First off whose mama is that aggressive that she goes around telling her son to beat peoples ass for dissin’ them? But I could care less about that. I was more interested in Uncle LL grabbing his enormous cock and pouring water on himself. Ladies and some of you guys I’m sure, you really need to TiVo this performance. After one good glimpse of Mr. Cool J’s manhood your naughty region will start to tingle or does that mean you have VD? At any rate I’m in love with James Todd Smith aka LL Cool J. Plus I read his book in high school and apparently LL is a sex-a-holic. That’s right LL claims that he needs to have sex like 10 times a day! He went on to talk about this 7-month pregnant groupie he screwed in an alley, yeah LL’s a classy muthafucka. I’d still do him in a quick second.

Tyra Banks has Real Boobs
So yesterday on the Tyra Show, Tyra got all emotional because she is pissed off that everyone thinks she has fake boobs. She went on to say that it is a personal decision and that it is a decision she has never made for herself. She had a plastic surgeon come on stage and do a mammogram or sonogram to prove that her tits are the real deal holyfield. I have this to say to Tyra 1. I still think your boobs are faker than Tom Cruise’s engagement to Katie Holmes’s ugly ass 2. Who cares what people think! Geez you used to fuck Chris Webber! OMG Chris Webber is big, black, muscular, and rich and the only reason she got to fuck him is due to her massive tits! Damn I really love Mr. Webber he’s #4 on my men I want to stalk list!

New AIDS/HIV Test
So everyone should get tested as often as possible, which is something I do on a regular basis. Anywho, I’m participating in this study for the National Aids Foundation and its really cool. Basically, I went through a series of classes educating me on AIDS/HIV and how NOT to get it! I have to come in to there facility every couple of weeks for counseling and to take an AIDS test. I really go for the AIDS test but the cool thing is that they have a new test, which can give you your results in just 2 minutes, pretty cool huh? I tested negative meaning that I don’t have the disease!!!

Nice Bitch @ Work
So there is this super nice bitch at work and she drives me up the fucking wall! She’s always saying hello, being nice to people, and baking cookies. I can’t deal with these types of people. It’s okay to be nice to people but everyone has a bad day and I am still waiting for her to show something besides her sunny disposition. What’s worst is that she will come over to your workspace and will not leave for like 15 minutes! Even if I tell her to go away! She will stay until I give her a smile and say that everything is okay. I might have to kill this bitch!

Hot Chocolate
I’m addicted to hot chocolate and I think I’m gonna start drinking it with Bailey’s Irish Crème! Maybe if I am drunk I can deal with that nice bitch from the paragraph above.

I Don’t Hate Lesbo’s!
So my friend asked me if I hated lesbians and I quickly responded that I love my lesbian brethren. I just don’t understand anyone turning down a penis. It’s insane! I can’t even elaborate on this; it’s making my head spin!

Exclamation Points!!!!!!!!
I love exclamation points and I use them like no other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PowerPoint Spectacle
So the VP of Communications singed me up for an 8-hour fun with PowerPoint workshop in SF. I swear I’m gonna commit suicide if I honestly have to go to this fucking workshop from hell.

Leave Me Be White Bois
So every since I joined myspace I have been a favorite among 16 year old white boys. I get at least one friendship request a day from some white boy asking me to be their daddy or some lame shit like that. Ummmm, what the fuck is wrong with kids these days? When I was 16 I wasn’t even think about sexing men 8 years older then me. I swear this is how kids get kidnapped. I’ve had boys send me their address and cell numbers, I can only pray that these young boys actually don’t go out and meet people from online. Unfortunately this isn’t the case. =(

posted by Lady_Sings_tha_blues @ 11:07 AM