Random Thoughts by Deionte

Random Thoughts #10

Norma Gene’s Kitchen
So yesterday I was at home doing nothing when Na’Keia (my bestfriend/cousin/cellmate) called and asked me if I wanted to come over to her mother’s house and get some food. One thing you should know about Na’Keia and I is that we never and when I say never I mean never, ever turn down free food. So 10 minutes later I’m in my Jeep and I frantically trying to get to Na’Keia mama house so I could get some food before she ate it all. Na’Keia’s mama Norma made cornbread, fried chicken, black eye peas, cabbage and shrimp pasta. I was super excited to get some soul food because I rarely get a chance to eat…my mom doesn’t cook it!

Anywho, I decided to eat my soul food while watching my favorite Sunday night show Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. Well it used to be my favorite until I watched Desperate Housewives last nite…I’ll tell you about that show in a minute. So I warm up my food and I'm sitting on the couch crying my eyes out. Last nights episode was about this US Army medical technician in Iraq who last his leg due to a land mine while trying to deliver medical supplies and toys to an Iraqi Hospital. Put the part that tugs at my heart is that even after his leg was blown off he continued to help other wounded soldiers. I cried and cried and cried. It was a good thing I had some comfort food to help me through, thanks Norma!

Desperate Housewives
Okay I purposely decided not to watch the first season of this show because I didn’t want to feed into all the hype surrounding this show. Plus I was also boycotting shows that failed to include minorities in the cast. But after this show won a shit load of awards I decided to watch the 2nd season premiere last night. Oooohhhh my God! This show has drama like nobody's business and it’s funny as hell. And the icing on the cake is that Alfre Woodard has joined the cast the season but I say fuck her! She has a son and he is to die for! I’m going to find him, have a commitment ceremony and then have his love child. And I am not going to let something as minute as the fact that he isn’t gay stop me. I’m a queen on a mission and victory will be mine!

Panda Express
Okay, so everyone knows I have an addictive personality. Surprisingly the only drug I have ever done is alcohol because of this personality trait I’m scared to try anything other than that. When I find something I like I can’t get enough of it and I will consume it until it makes me sick…it’s kind of sad, but you’re over it! Anywho, there’s a shopping plaza maybe 7 blocks away from my house and I felt like eating some fine Asian cuisine.

I went to Panda Express and ordered white rice, teriyaki chicken and orange chicken. Holy Shit that orange chicken is like crack and I’m a hopeless fiend. I can’t get it out of my head. In the past 6 days I’ve been there 5 times! The little Asian woman who serves the rice calls me Byronte because she cannot pronounce De’Aunta but then again who can. Anywho, I love Panda Express and I will be eating there tonight if you’re in the Berkeley/El Cerrito area join me, I’ll supply the jokes and raunchy sex stories!

Spell my name, bitch!
My name is spelled really stupid in my opinion I wanted to change it but my mom got all pissed off and shit like that. I remember being in Kindergarten and being the only person in my class who had yet to learn how to spell their names, shameful. Side note: what the fuck does Kindergarten mean? That word sucks the big one! Anywho, one Saturday morning my mom decided that it was time for me to learn how to spell my name and she wasn’t taking any shit from me. Instead of watching Looney Tunes, The Smurfs (I always wanted to be Smurfette. She was such a little whore I can only imagine how many times Poppa Smurf stuck his big blue smurf in Smurfette’s smurf and then smurfed her until she couldn’t smurf anymore.)

Okay, back to my story, my mom beat the shit out of me until I learned to spell my name correctly, which took about Mmmmm 5 or 6 fucking hours. At one point I begged her to let me take a nap, yeah how often does a 5 year old beg to go to bed. She wore my ass out that day but in the end I learned how to spell my name. Thanks mom!

PS. I think I want to change the spelling of my name to Deionte or Deontay…ahhhhh who gives a damn!

America’s Next Top Model
I got really fucked up watching ANTM last week. Again, if you’re not playing the drinking game you’re only hurting yourself! I hate the lesbian girl and I think she should die. The rich beauty queen is a psycho bitch who needs a good ass kicking. Ms. Jay is by far the ugliest man I have ever seen in my life. Jay Alexander has a huge nose but I would still give him some just because I’m easy, lol. Tyra had one the best weaves ever and she has inspired my roommate and I to go out and buy similar wigs so we can get drunk and makes asses out o ourselves. Personally, I hope the ghetto black chick from Harlem wins.

Fiona Apple
Fiona Apple has a new album coming out next Tuesday and I am ecstatic! Fiona makes me feel angry, bitter, lonely, and slightly suicidal; I can’t wait to get her album. Not to worry I mostly listening to girly pop music so Fiona is a good balance.

Whore in Church
So I went to my old church’s 15th Anniversary this weekend and I was less than comfortable with what I saw. I was dressed business casual and looking pretty damn handsome if I do say so myself! I sat in the back round with the ushers when I noticed to men from the visiting choir staring at me. At first I paid it no attention but then I started to feel uncomfortable and I need to know who they were. When I took a closer look it was to guys that I had had previous sexual relations with. They were talking amongst themselves and my guess was that I was the subject of their conversation. I needed to take my attention off them so I started to scan the room for familiar faces and that’s when it happened. I saw 2 other guys that I had had made out with during SF pride. I started to sweat and I needed to get the hell out of that church. Geez, I forgot home much the gays love church!

Middle Eastern Guy at the Liquor Store
So there is this really cute Iraqi guy well at least I think he is. I’m really not good with determining peoples race. With me you fit into 5 categories black, white, Asian, Mexican and everything else is a blur. My friend at work told me not to call him white because he prefers to be called Irish. What’s the fucking difference? Anywho, he is really cute plus he has a bad attitude, which is even better. I wonder how do you begin to seduce someone from the Middle East? This will be my greatest hook-up challenge to date! Maybe I can go on google and look up how to say "how you doin?" in Iraqinese I don’t know what language they speak. Shit what do I know about Iraq besides the fact that I’m not allowed to go and fight because of the don’t ask, don’t tell policy. I’m actually glad that the army has that policy because if they ever insight a draft I’m going to the army base in my gayest outfit and I’ll probably do the splits in front of the commanding officers. That will surely get me thrown out of the Army.

posted by Lady_Sings_tha_blues @ 3:19 PM