Random Thoughts by Deionte

Lowered Expectations

Have you ever lowered you expectations to make a potential relationship work only to have it backfire in your face? Well that’s exactly what recently happened to me and I am less than excited about being "dumped" by someone who wasn’t even my first choice to be in a relationship with in the first place. So I wrote a posting similar to this one in June and well it seems that my dumb ass has yet to learn my lesson. When looking for a mate this are the qualities that I would prefer they possess. Lets start with physical attributes: taller than me, clear complexion, str8/white teeth, juicy (not big) lips, flat stomach, nice size penis, some sort of an ass, and good hygiene. Other attributes I look forward is education, job, place of residence (not his parents house), sense of humor, goals in life, open and honest personality type and then I try to determine if this man truly wants to be in a relationship.

But a few months ago after a quick conversation with my girlfriends I decided not to lower my standards just see what would come my way if I were not bogged down with what my perfect man should be. My friend told me that I was being too superficial and if I wasnt consistently worried about finding the perfect man he would find me. So for 3 weeks when guys approached me I tried not to pass judgment but to see where the conversation would take me. 2 weeks into my new train of thought Jesse came into my life. Jesse is 27, African American, new lips and body, a native of Oklahoma (moved here to be closer to his mom) and un-employed (because he just moved here 3 months ago). Anywho, Jesse did not possess many of the qualities that I usually looked for however he was a nice guy or so I thought.

My "relationship" with Jesse progressed naturally and we had a couple of good times together (not sex) and I was content with the direction this situation was headed. I learned a long time ago that I can be pretty intense when it comes to being in a relationship so for the most part I try to take things slowly. But as our "relationship" progressed I started to feel as if I could tell Jesse more about me and how I viewed the world. I told him about my previous life as a college student, my upbringing, occupation, living situation and my many goals for the future. As this conversation progressed I could tell that Jesse was starting to become uncomfortable. When I asked him what was the matter hastily said "nothing man" but I knew exactly what his issue was. Jesse's problem was the same issue that I had previously encountered time and time again. I tell a man about me, my dreams and aspirations and suddenly they think that they no longer fit into the equation which is my life (I’ll elaborate on this particular situation in my next posting).

The problem was that I was willing to lower my expectations of what I wanted from him (in life). However, he was not willing to broaden his horizon and raise his expectations to be with someone like me. I sat long and hard and tried to figure out who exactly was to blame for this failed "relationship." I came to the conclusion that it was both of us who are to blame. I should be upfront with my goals, dreams and aspiriations that way I am not wasting precious time on a man who is not worthy and Jesse should have been willing to step outside the box and broaden his horizons.

Sometimes I wonder if humans were ever meant to be in a relationship with one another. You would think that two people with similar interest, goals, lifestyles, and backgrounds could come together and form some sort of committed relationship, right? Well if that is really the case then why are there so many single, lonely, unhappy people in the world? Why has the divorce rate continued to climb at a steady pace since 1990? Some people say it because with daily advances being made in our quality of life have now made the need for a significant other obsolete.

I think that’s a big load of shit! If everyone were so damn happy with there material possessions there would be no need for speed dating, blind dates, or websites like match.com. Yes if we were so ecstatic about of worldly possessions we would stay our nicely furnished apartments and put an end to dying our hair, whitening our teeth, working out or doing anything else that would make us attractive.

posted by Lady_Sings_tha_blues @ 12:27 PM