Random Thoughts by Deionte

Random Thoughts 33

Pumkin your days are numbered, bitch!
Okay, so I previously wrote about saving up money to fly The Flavor of Love runner-up New York to visit Pumkin to beat her ass! For those of you who dont watch T.V. Pumkin was eliminated by Flava Flav and decided to spit in New Yorks grill. Anywho, I think spitting in someones face is extremely disrespectful and you deserve a good ol fashion ass kicking if you do so.

Well it turns out that Ms. Pumkin will be at a gay event this weekend in Oakland. Hmmmm, are you thinking what I am thinking? First off I know you are thinking why is Pumkin the ugly white chick from the Flavor of Love kicking it with homos in the bay? Yeah I wonder the same thing as well. I can only speculate that the promoter is flying that bitch out here so one of the classless, ghetto gurly bois can spit in that bitches face! Well if they dont I might as well be the one to do it. Ill keep you updated

I am on fire
Do you guys think I would be a good fire fighter? I mean sure I would not be willing to go into a burning house to save anyone not even you who are reading this random thought! Call me whatever you like but if a house is on fire, be smart and get the fuck out!

On the first day working at my current job I went into our weekly Monday meeting where I officially met the rest of my staff. This one guy looked at my and said my name is Ray and I would like to hand over my duty as Fire Safety Captain. I looked him deep in the eye and said I decline to accept that position. The staff stared at me in astonishment. Ray asked why would I decline Fire Safety Captain. I told him that fire this building caught on fire I would not be willing to go around and search to make sure that everyone had made it out safely. We all have college degrees and if you cant figure out how to get out of a 10 story burning building you deserve whatever fate has in store for you!

If there is one thing I have learned as a black man, that is how to be a survivor. No matter where I am at I am always aware of all the exits and I always have an exit plan for every situation. Shit, if I was on a cruise ship Id have my own inflatable boat. Never trust anyone to do what you can do for yourself, biotch!

Peeping Tom
So last night I was laying in my bed trying to work up enough energy to get up and pee. When all of a sudden I heard the moans of a woman having sex. I slowly got up and looked and my window on to see my next door neighbors fucking hardcore.

I know you are thinking that it was wrong of me to stare or even watch two people having sex without their consent. To that I say fuck off! I they didnt want me to see; she would have moan softer and the blinds would have been closed.

Now I have never been a fan of heterosexual sex. The vagina really grosses my out to know end. I just turned 25 and I had no idea of how the vagina even worked. Who knew there were so many holes and layers to navigate!?! To make it simple I dont trust vaginas! Lol!

Anywho, I was standing on top of my desk watching them have sex and no I was not touching myself inappropriately, lol!!!! I have to admit that is was the hottest thing I have seen in a really long time. I cant go into detail be I need to talk to the woman to get some tips because that bitch was no joke what-so-ever!

Apple Cream of Wheat
Have any of you guy had Apple Cream of Wheat? It is the best thing since sliced bread and I am craving it big time! I have searched all over for a box of just the Apple flavor but all I can find in the variety pack, ewwwwww!

You guys are all instructed to look for this item the next time you are shopping and I will do anything legal or illegal to get it! You need someone killed, no problem just present me with the box of that yummy apple cinnamon goodness! Now go out and get it!

Fiona Apple you have know idea the trouble you are in!
So my friend Darya (Mechoopda crew 99) recently bought tix for me and her to go see miss Fiona Apple. I fucking love Fiona and I have been waiting to see her live in concert since freshmen year of college. Fiona totally appeals to my angry inner white girl and thank Fiona for getting me in touch with her. Whenever I hear Ms Apple I wanna tear shit up and break things.
So when I see Fiona next month I plan to get on stage butt booty naked and flash dance to "Fast as you can" I am fully prepared to go to jail and being that I have yet to be arrested (knock on wood) I figured it is time for me to just get in it over with.

Speaking of jail did anyone watch the HBO t.v. series OZ? It was about these really hot inmate in a prison located in New York and it was totally hot. If jail was like that I would totally be willing to go for a weekend or so. There was this African dude named anabizi who is now on Lost, what was my point???

Anywho I heart FIONA APPLE

My Mind
Its official I am a crazy whore and I just wanted ever one to know that. Have you ever been sitting quietly contemplating whether or not you are crazy or is it just me? Anywho, if you guys could be in my head you would find that I am a complete mess. How I function on a daily basis is a mystery to me. At any giving moment I am thinking about a hot guy, a funny joke, a dance I would like to choreograph and a chicken dish I would like to eat.

If I didnt write down at least some of my thoughts I think I would go completely insane.

My new picture
Get over it! I am not naked. I am not masturbating. I was bored at home and decided to take some picture of MY BODY in various dance poses. This is afterall my webpage and I can do what I please, right? Again, if you dont like the picture, bulletins or blogs hit the delete button.

Ode to Oatmeal
So I am coming down from the 8th floor kitchen with my maple brown sugar oatmeal in my hand. As I turn the corner I see our hot (metrosexual) UPS guy waiting for the elevator. Now we have flirted a couple of times and I wanted to get his attention. I started walking down the stairs really hard so I could get his attention when I burn myself with my bowl of oatmeal and tripped half way down the fucking stairs.

Mr. UPS run over to help me up but I was so embarrassed that all I could do with chant "oooohhhh my God" He kept saying are you okay? And all I could say is "Oooooohhhhh my God!!!!!" He helped me up and said one last time are you okay and once again I said "Oooooohhhh my God!" His elevator came and he turned to board it. I went back upstairs to put some lotion on my now ashy arms and get some paper towel to clean up the oatmeal as well as my bruised ego. As I arrived to the seen of my horrible fall guess who was waiting for me? It was the UPS guy (Tony) he said he had never seen someone fall so gracefully and asked if I would like to go out on date!

Fuck yeah people! I still my get to live out one of my dreams of screwing in the back of a UPS truck! Hey, some people aspire to be lawyers, actresses or even President of the United States. I wanna screw in the back of a mail delivery truck. I have one word for you CLASS!
For those of you who are keeping score this is my 2nd time falling down the stairs tryna get a mans attention. Let us not forget when I fell in front of one of our interns and scolded myself with hot chocolate, geez!

Tight Jeans
I wore the wrong jeans to work today and now my legs are tingling because my pants are so tight. Not to mention that people are looking at my man bulge! Lol! I am a mess!

posted by Lady_Sings_tha_blues @ 2:49 PM