Random Thoughts by Deionte

Random Thoughts 30, YAY!

Bad sex hurts my feeling
Okay, so have any of you ever had bad, awful, I wish this could just be over sex? Well unfortunately this horrible situation happened to me last nite! So, I was watching Sex in the City (ironic) when Mr. Man called and said he was in the area and wanted to know if he could come over to "visit." I had just finished a 15 minute concert of singing in the shower and everything on my body was oooohhhhh so fresh and so clean! So I told him that it was cool and that he should definitely come on over.

So 15 minutes later I buzzed him in and I was really excited. It was the kind of excitement you feel when you have been waiting inline to get on a rollercoaster and you are next to get on the ride. So he comes in and I wasted no time with small talk. It was 10:42pm and Will & Grace comes on at 11pm. I was hoping to get his ass in and out in with enough time to see the final episode at 11:30pm. So we do the usual stuff gay men do before sex and if you do not know what that is then shame on you, you homophobe (just kidding). Its the same stuff heteros do but just imagine 2 penises and no nasty vaginas...eww!

So now it is time for the for actual sex and it was ackward from the start. There was this brief moment when we were staring at one another wondering who was gonna do who (youll never guess who won the stare down! Lol!) Okay, so things start and it was awful! I was soooo fucking bored I started to think about how many loads of laundry I needed to do this weekend. At one point the sex was so bad that I took the letters from my first and last name and started to make words from them. I decided that enough was enough. I got up in mid thrust and said maybe you should go, he had a blank look on his face. He got dressed and I showed him to the door and gave him a Hawaiian Punch for effort! Note to self: Delete his number and never call him again!

Its your gayness that makes you look gay
So, I have been having major issues with my wardrobe as of lately. When I stare in the mirror after I get dressed sometimes the only thing I can think is "I look really fucking gay right now" So I would change outfits and the same thought would pop into my head.

So after months of torturing myself and criticizing my closet I decided that it is not my clothes that makes me appear to be gay, rather it is my gayness that makes me look gay. But as I sat on the toilet recently thinking about this situation I wondered is it a bad thing to look gay? I mean after all I am in fact gay. So my appearance is a direct representation of who I am.
I also wondered if the real issue I was battling was my being insecure with myself and sexuality.
I wish I would have never majored in fucking Psychology. First off I feel the need to analyze every fucking thing, furthermore since I only have bachelors in Psychology so I dont know enough shit to connect all the dots. Plus it doesnt help that I didnt really pay any attention in class. Hell for senior seminar I would go drunk from drinking my lunch at Normal Street BarTheres nothing like an Adios Motherfucker to get you through 2 in a half hours of Evolutionary Psychology! This issue doesnt have a conclusion because obviously I have some shit to work out.

I feel fucking old!
I sat down the other day and tried to watch MTV and it was next to impossible. I was in disbelief as I watch my TV screen. Girl in short clothing (ooohhhhhh the horror) and guys without their shirts on (gasp). What the fuck was I watching? I felt as if the children on this show lacked any morals or values what so ever. Then it dawned on me that I was watching the new season of the Real World and those children were the cast members. I remember waaaaaay back when I auditioned to be on the Real World and actually flew in to interview with some of the producers.

But now I felt as if I had nothing in common with these children. One of the cast members is 18 years old. Let me repeat that she is 18 years old, I dont even know any teenagers who are not family members. This is sad. What happened to my youth? Where the fuck is it hiding? I am 25 years old, I work fulltime, correctly researching stock options, and trying to raise my credit score in hopes of getting a house. I am sorry to inform all of you that I am become an ADULT. Excuse me while I go vomit up my breakfast in disgust! Life sucks and then you wake up and have to go to work! =(

Television is making me depressed
So all my favorite shows are going off the air and I dont know what to do! First friends, then Sex in the City, and now Will & Grace! What the fuck I am going to do with my free time? Why without my favorite television programming I might actually have to go out and meet people and create my own funny adventures. I simply dont have time for this. If I am out and about having fun and actually doing stuff, when will I have time to daydream or sit on my ass and do nothing? I tried to watch Desperate Housewives but there is too much drama for me to deal with, not enough men for me to fantasize about, and most importantly there is not enough African Americans represented on the show to keep my attention.

I realized that awhile ago and decided that I would not watch any new shows that did not have a decent representation of minorities on the show. I mean is it that hard to imagine or create a show that has some diversity or are white people the only ones in America who fall in love and have crazy things happen to them on a daily basis? Now I am not racist and anyone who looks at the bulk of my myspace friends will tell you that. But I would just to see someone who looks like me on television (who isnt make a fool of themselves on the UPN).

Pussy
I want a pussycat! My apartment is too big to live there alone and I need a roommate of some sort. I think the best thing for me to do is to get a cat. Her name will be either Foxxy Cleopatra, Honey Child, or Appreciontay Escalade Jackson.

I had a cat when I was in Chico but she was kittynapped and I never saw her again. We would have the gayest time together. I would cut the sleeves of my shirts and would create one of a kind kitty couture just for my precious Kitty. God, help me new cat! Lol!

The Flava of Love
Okay, so I am still pissed the fuck off by what Pumkin did to New York (if you dont know what I am talking about you should be shot and killed on the spot!). Basically, Pumkin was eliminated from the show and spit into New Yorks face. Spitting in someones face is the most disrespectful thing you can do. On the reunion show the producers would not allow New York to beat Pumkins ass like she wanted to. I think we all need closure from this situation. I am going to track down New York and offer to pay her airfare to beat Pumkins ass. If you are down to pitch in let me know!

posted by Lady_Sings_tha_blues @ 2:43 PM