Random Thoughts by Deionte

Friendship/Relationship Evaluation

Friendship and relationship evaluation
People and relationships are constantly changing. Its fact of life that people change and change is a well-known factor of conflict in relationships. For these reason I like to do a friendship/relationship evaluation at least four times a year. As long as I can remember I have always had people who wanted some of my time and energy. And as we all know the older you get the less time you have for frivolous things and bullshit. As a result I came up with the friendship/relationship evaluate list better known as "The List!"

The List is basically a sheet of paper with a line drawn down the middle. On the left side I write down every positive characteristic and memorable time I have had with this particular person. On the right I wrote down all the negative personality trait and bullshit that comes along with knowing/dealing with this person. After that I sit in my room and think long and hard about the relationship at hand and how this person affect my life. Furthermore, I try to imagine my life without this person in it and if I cannot see any more benefits I release the person at hand from my life.

The List has helped me numerous times when I have to release people who you are just filler and seem to do nothing more then take up time and energy. The List was a direct result of my learning the concept of cost/benefit analysis, which basically poses the question: is the cost of pursuing/staying in a particular relationship worth the cost/time/drama you will occur throughout the friendship.

Have you ever had a friend who only calls when all hell breaks loose in their life but when everything is calm and cool they are harder to find than a virgin on prom night! Better yet when trials and tribulations occur in your life they simply don’t have time for you at all. For these son of bitches I say do the list and see if they are truly worth your time and energy.

Have you ever been in a relationship where everything was smooth sailing and the next thing you know every aspect of your relationship is going to hell in a Prada handbag? I personally believe that this is a direct result of change in your relationship and this is not necessarily a bad thing. Again, it is a fact of life that people change and when this change takes place it is foolish to believe that relationships will not change as well. When this change occurs I suggest making the list to see if these changes and the effort it would take to adjust to this changes are with your time and effort. If it is then make the necessary steps to make the relationship work and move on. But if these changes are too much to deal with, I say move on and chalk it up to another life change.

I have found that making "the List" has helped me remove myself from men/situations who did not have my best interest in mind. Just because something worked or satisfied you months ago does not necessarily mean that it works for you today.

It may sound harsh but if you are like me you are tired of bullshit and feel the need to make your life as simple as possible. I believe that everyone enters your life for reason and it is your responsibility to figure out what his or her intent is. Unnecessary drama occurs when you fail to remove people who do not have your best interest in mind and you allow their negative energy to penetrate your life.

It is my belief that evaluating your friends and relationship will allow you to find peace of mind because you are taking control of your life. Believe me if you take the time to see which relationships you value and which ones are deposable you will be able to create stronger friendships with your real friends and everybody else can go to hell!

posted by Lady_Sings_tha_blues @ 2:28 PM