Random Thoughts by Deionte

Random Thoughts 24

Courtney’s B-day
So last night was my younger sisters b-day and I we went out to The Bar on the Castro last night to celebrite. It was a good time overall and I was glad I could participate in Courtney’s special day. However, I was not really happy with the selection of men in attendance at The Bar last night. I swear if I was forced to sleep with anyone last night I would have slept with the mannish lesbian standing by the DJ booth. Speaking of the DJ can you believe he played Coolio last night?

Gayest Lisp EVER!
So there was this really cute, short, little black boy at The Bar last night and I had my heart set on at least exchanging digits last night. So I marched over to the DJ booth to tell him what current music is and why it is a good idea to play it at bars with tons of gays. Anywho, I bumped into the cutie whose name is Bobby and I say "hi, your cute!" I don’t really have any game I just speak the truth hopefully that will get me by. So then Bobby begins to speak but he has the gayest lisp I have ever encountered in my 24 years of being gay! I swear every word that came out of his gay mouth had an Sssssss at the end! I didn’t even know that was possible. After 2 minutes of conversation I chugged my drink and walked away while he was in mid-sentence…Oooohhh wellSsssssssss!

Coke Whore
So my friend came to The Bar coked out of his mind. As soon as he entered The Bar I knew he was high because it was 1am and he had on $175 jet black Versace sunglasses in a fucking bar! Anywho, he came up to me, grabbed my crotch, licked my cheek and proceeded to harass everyone in the club who had a penis! Things were so bad that the little gay asian boys who weigh like 10 pounds would run and hide whenever he came around! Not to mention he started crying when he confronted a guy he had met 5 minutes earlier, told him "he was the one" and that "he loved him" Obvious this freaked the boy out and when my friend was turned down he went absolutely ape shit and I have a friend named cocaine for this drama!

I’m gonna gitcha, gitcha, gitcha, GITCHA!
So there is this boy who I have had a crush on for like 18 months and I found out last night that he and his hideous boyfriend broke up a couple of months ago. Anywho, Mr. Man is hot and I heard through the grapevine that he wants to hook up. I saw his fine ass out last night and of course I started to flirt with him. I did the extra long hug/press your penis against his body hug, which is a little forward but then again if you snooze you loose! Anywho, we started dancing and feeling each other up which was totally awesome! We exchanged digits and I can assure everyone that boots will be knocked by the end of the year! Yay!

You’re a drunken horrible mess and I hope die!
So best part of last night was this husky black boy who thought he was Jennifer Biel from Flash Dance last night. He was on the stage all night and he was a fucking mess! He was doing afro-haitian dance to pop and rap music and he was grinding up and down the poles and taking up room that is usually saved for ummm the cute boy dancers. So TLC’s "Come Get Some" came on and he went banana’s! First let me mention once more that he was ummmm HUSKY okay now that that is out of the way. He was a sweaty mess and he started taking off all his clothes until he was in his Superman tighty whiteys I kid you not he was wearing Superman underwear. He started shaking his nasty ass and I almost threw up all my alcohol. I got really pissed off and started throwing straws and napkins at him while yelling "you’re HORRIBLE". Luckily security threw his ass out and that was that!

My bad you’re not cute!
So there was this deacon at my church that I had the biggest crush on. He is always well dressed, fresh haircut, nice lips…I love juicy lips! So I would stare at him whenever I had the opportunity but I have never really seen him up close. So I am always like 30 minutes late for church and I really need to work on that. Anywho, he was in the parking lot directing traffic and he scolded me for always being late for church. So after 5 minutes of driving I could not find and park and he offers to help me. So as he approaches my window to give me directions I liked at his face for the first time and baby it was not pretty. Now I don’t claim to be finest man in the Bay Area but I’ve never had any complaints either! So as I look at his I see scars, craters, zits and all types of unsightly shit. I wish I had never seen him upclose because I have no one to focus on while in church! Damn it all to hell!

X-MAS Update!
I’m still anti-x-mas shopping and I refuse to go out and deal with the insanity that is x-mas shopping. What is the point of x-mas cards am I the only one who thinks this is a total waste of paper??? Do the earth a favor and just call people and wish them a merry fucking x-mas!

P.F. Chang’s Update
So everyone knows I am in love with P.F. Chang’s crispy honey chicken with white rice. I think this is turning into an unhealthy relationship. All I can think about is that fucking succulent, crispy, mouth watering chicken. I want it. I crave it. I need it! I want to cover my body and that tasty chicken and just eat it all day! As you can see I think I have major issues going on!

Scary J. Blige
So I am in love with that new Mary J. Blige song "Without you" and I swear that everytime I hear it I wanna jump off a roof or run it to traffic. I am really glad to hell that once again Mary is depressed or sad and this will reflect in her music. This song came on last nite at The Bar and all the gays were singing this song as if we had all just been dumped by our boyfriends. Fucking Mary I love you!

Brokeback Mountain aka The Gay Cowboy Movie
So Brokeback Mountain is out and I have to go and see it. Jake Gallenhall or however you spell is fucking name is the cutest white guy ever! He’s my new crush for the rest of the year! I hear that they and his co-star Heath Ledger who I think is soooo unattractive totally make out and screw which is well worth my $10! Plus I need so new porn but I guess this will have to do!

posted by Lady_Sings_tha_blues @ 10:45 AM