Random Thoughts by Deionte

Verge of Nervous Breakdown

Where did it all go wrong? Was it something I said? Maybe I could have worked harder at being a better boyfriend! Why is it that whenever we breakup with someone we blame ourselves for our parting ways? As soon as the relationship is over we go into over-drive trying to figure out that critical point when everything went to hell in a hand basket! We sit alone over analyzing every single conversation and time spent together to see if we can pin point what went wrong.
I engaged in these actions last night after a troubling conversation with my ex-boyfriend conversation went as follows:

Gary: I know I was supposed to be over at your house by 8pm and its now 8:57pm but I had some things to do.
Me: (laughs) I wouldn’t expect anything less from you than to make plans with me and then call to reschedule 57 minutes after the fact.
Gary: Here we go.
Me: I just find it funny that you can never fully commit to anything that you say.
Gary: What do I have to do to prove that I care for you?
Me: Hmmm lets see, what can you do? What can you do? Well first off you could try being a man of your word. But first that would involve you growing up and actually being a man or at least displaying man-like qualities.
Gary: See that’s what I am talking about your smart-ass mouth!
Me: I tried to be nice earlier on but it seems that me being nice doesn’t get my point across with you.
Gary: Man, I really want or wanted to be with you.
Me: Is that why you didn’t call me on thanksgiving or the day after?
Gary: I was with family.
Me: All I needed was a simple phone call and being that we had issues with you not calling me last week and the conversations we had about that. One would think that you would know better.
Gary: I was with my family and I could have called but I didn’t.
Me: You know what? I am so over you and your family. I don’t even want to see you anymore. Please bring over my belongings. You can blow your horn and I will unlock my car door from my window because I honestly don’t want to see you again.
Gary: Is that really what you want?
Me: Nope, what I want is a man who can be honest, has follow through skills, keeps his word, and doesn’t give me bullshit excuses every other day!

There is a lot more to the story of Gary and De’Aunta but to make things short I will say that I put up with a lot of shit and gave multiple chances to right many wrongs. At this point I have decided to join the rest of my friends and be bitter and unhappy for the rest of this fucking holiday season. I swear I wish I could just go to bed for a month and wake up on New Years Eve. I honestly can’t deal with any more bullshit this year and I refuse to even pretend that I will.
Why is it so hard to find honest people men in the god-forsaking world? I was Dr. Phil the other night and I was counseling women who had been cheating on by their low-life husbands and I was so upset I literally wanted to go and punch someone in the face. The night after that I was watching Cheaters and again I found myself getting really upset. Now Mr. Man did not cheat on me or least I have no reason to believe he did but I think it is safe to say that I have lost all faith in the male species, including myself. I am depressed and I think I need to take some time off from work to gather my thoughts and collect myself. The last time I felt this emotionally confused I had a nervous breakdown and that wasn’t too much fun.

THIS BLOG HAS NO POINT. NO PURPOSE. NO MEANING. LIFE SUCKS! MEN SUCK! I’M NEED A SNACK OR SOME SUGAR TO GET RID OF THIS PISSY MOOD!

posted by Lady_Sings_tha_blues @ 10:45 AM