Random Thoughts by Deionte

Random Thoughts (from the Gwen Stefani Harajuku Lovers Tour!)

Tickets Please!
So yesterday Barbara our Director of Human Resources sent out an emailing that the she had 2 Gwen Stefani concert tickets and that she would be unable to attend. She said the first person that sends me an email would get the tickets. I work in an office with about 65 people and I knew I needed to be quick as greased lightening if I wanted these fucking tickets! So while every body else was emailing Barbara paragraphs and thesis’s about how much the love Miss Stefani I replied with a simple email saying "Yes" and got the tickets. This was a sweet victory because I am the only person at the law office who graduated from a state school. Everyone else graduated from Yale, Harvard, Stanford, Columbia and other boring ass school I am glad I never attended. During lunch everyone was pissed off and talking shit in response I simply told all of them to DIE!

Drunkest Bitches in ALL of Oakland
So once I won the tickets I was trying to decide who I wanted to give the other ticket to. This person needed to be fun, energetic, female, and most importantly needed to be willing to get absolutely shit-faced! So obviously I called Krystal one of my favorite bitches and said whore lets go to the Gwen Stefani concert! She replied "hells yeah, you bring the drank and I’ll pay you when I get there."

So we were supposed to meet at 8pm to start our pre-party because we never want to see the opening act and we usually spend that time getting drunk. So I am at the Coliseum Bart Station and I am waiting for Krystal to arrive when she calls saying she’s gonna be late. Well I had no other choice but to get totally fucked up in my car while listening to the quiet storm on the radio. So I am completely wasted and "here and now" by Luther Vandross comes on and I totally start to cry because I am an emotional mess! So here I am drunk, alone in my car, crying my eyes out and then it starts to rain. Luckily Krystal’s ass made it and we finished getting drunk in my car and headed off for the coliseum.

Margaritas OOOOOOOOOKAY!
So Krystal and I are completely drunk and were talking shit, laughing, and every so often we’d break out and do a little dance. We finally make it to our seats but after 2 minutes we decided that we were not drunk enough and went to go get some margaritas! So we wait in this insanely long line and we finally make it up to the little Mexican woman making the margaritas (ironic) and this bitch totally hooked us up with one of the strongest drinks I’ve had in quite some time. I love you little Mexican woman, you totally made my night! Side note: I’ve been using the word totally waaaaaay toooooo much! I’m like totally a valley girl. Ooooohhhh my God like can you gag me with a spoon!

Dropping the F-bomb!
So Gwen Stefani totally rocks my world. She looks better in person than she does on television (could this even be possible?). She rocked stilettos the entire night and to my surprise she was able to stay on beat for most of the show…Gwen is known for being the best dancer. She sang like 11 songs none of which were from her band No Doubt (I was really pissed the fuck off by that shit…oooohhhh well the tix were free!). Anywho, Gwen liked to talk to the audience but she used the word fuck like 20 something times! She was like "fuck yea Oakland rocks", "we’re gonna do some crowd participation, please don’t fuck this shit up!", "Fuck yeah where my girls at?". Fuck, fuck, fuckity, fuck, fuck, fucking fuckers! She didn’t say that but I just did, YAY!

Harajuku Dancers From Hell
So once a dancer, always a dancer. I swear I spent more time analyzing Gwen’s background dancers than anything else. First off I totally have a problem with Gwen and the whole Harajuku Girl dealio. Is it just me or do the four small Asian woman who always accompany her look extremely depressed. It kind feels like they want to scream "please crazy white lady let my go back to Japan, I hate you, leave me be!" Anywho, these harajuku bitches couldn’t dance to save their lives and it was really sad, horrible, awful, heinous…yikes! But Miss Stefani did have four super cute male break-dancers and I swear I want the cute one to be the father of my test-tube baby!

Drunken White Guys
So there was an abundance of drunken white middle-age men and the Harajuku Lovers Tours and they made quite a spectacle of themselves. There is nothing worst than seeing a couple hundred middle age white men desperately trying to clap on beat, it was insanity! However, from time to time you would see a father with his young daughter and I thought that was really cute. What a minute, I hope that was his daughter and not any molester action going on. Hmmm what better way to seduce little white girls than to offer them Gwen Stefani concert tix. What the fuck am I talking about. You see this is exactly way I tell my boyfriends not to leave me alone with my own thoughts. I always end up thinking crazy, horrible shit….geez louise!

Anywho, back to my drunken white guy story. There was this one drunken white guy who took the cake. He was super faded and I swear I heard him yell out "Madonna you rock!" He fell out of his car multiple times and he was a complete mess. At one point during the concert he had a backwards cigarette in his mouth while singing the words to a song that I do not believe belongs to Gwen Stefani. My favorite moment was when he broke out his lighter and swayed back and forth to the song "Mysterious." Side Note: Krystal and I were so fucking drunk last night when Gwen started spelling out the word mysterious it took Krystal and I at least 3 minutes to figure out what the fuck she was spelling!

Dance You Drunk Whores!
So the concert was finally over and time was time for the finale, which was "holla back girl" and me and Krystal, was more than ready to drop it likes it hot. So these drummer guys came out and then the music started playing and I kid you not Krystal and I went absolutely ape shit! We were all over the place and I swear we could have easily given the Lord of Dance a run for his money last night. The best part was watching this super gay teenage white boy giving 150% of his energy to dancing his uber gay heart out while yelling "my shit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S! My other favorite moment was when Gwen allowed like 100 fans on the stage for the end of the song and she was totally bumping and grinding with them. However, the guy dressed a giant banana received the most attention from Gwen!

Uuuuuhhhhhh that’s my shit, that’s my shit, bitch!

Santacon
Okay, so everyone knows how anti-holiday I am. Well I have decided to join the santacon party for Christmas. Basically what happens on Christmas day 1000’s over people all over the world dress up in Santa Claus costumes and go from bar to bar getting completely hammered. They have Santa Claus wranglers who have a map of all the bars you attend but they don’t tell you, so you’re kind of walking around in a drunken stupor. There is also Santacom games that we play with each other. I don’t have all the details but I will let you know when I do! I’m so over shopping and dealing horrible crying/whining little kids, bad customer service, dumb sales attendants, overpriced crap and malls! Anything I want I can buy it myself and I don’t need any crappy gifts I’m just going to throw away in a month!

posted by Lady_Sings_tha_blues @ 11:41 AM